I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
are you so shy because you have an std?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
