i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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