i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
