someone get that fucking seahorse.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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