is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
