I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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