i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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