After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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