I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
