Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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