I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
