his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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