mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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