U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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