you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
