saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
