Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
this just has baby written all over it
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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