when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
