RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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