ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Drake has all the answers
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
