I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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