I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
