I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
