I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Randomize
