My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
