at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
