1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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