i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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