cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
do herpes really smell.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
