Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
