You really coming over, don't trick.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
