I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
