my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
