you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
