i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
