I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
