508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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