Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
