bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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