she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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