fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
