you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
