I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
