You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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