I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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