I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
