i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
