I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
