grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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