well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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