And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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