rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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