Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
