i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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