You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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