My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
