I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
