I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Randomize
