Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
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Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
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He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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