First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
