Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
