You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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