Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
