So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
