the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
