i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
