i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
