chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
