I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I touched a dick in church today
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
