when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
