if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
