I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
