You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
