my mouth tastes like poor choices
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
