matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
