How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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