i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
