Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
