Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
