You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
