Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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