The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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