found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
