Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Randomize
