So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
